5 Things You Need To Know Before Becoming A SAHM

“Anyone can have a child and call themselves ” a parent.”  A real parent is someone who puts that child above their own selfish needs and wants.” – Untitled

I think this quote sums things up perfectly.  Parenthood is all about sacrifice.  One of the biggest decisions we make when becoming a mom is whether or not we will return to our former careers or transition into parenthood full-time.  After having my second son, my husband and I made the decision that I would make the transition to SAHM.  I have learned a lot during these last few months of being in the SAHM role and this post is my perspective on what the transition has been like emotionally.  My goal is to help other moms decide whether or not staying at home full-time is the right decision for their family by sharing what it is “really” like.

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One: Your time no longer belongs to you

I hate to break it to you but unless you are a lady of privilege who has the luxury to not only stay home with your children full-time but also have childcare and a large bank account, your “me time” will be few and far between. When you are with your kids 24/7- they go where you go.  Everything you do needs to be able to accommodate your littles.  This makes something as simple as getting a mani/pedi or squeezing in a workout extremely difficult to accomplish without coordinating someone to be with your kids while you sneak away for an hour.  If you happen to find time to go to the gym (if it’s in the budget), the gym must have childcare.  So you will have to find ways to workout with your little ones at home a lot of the time.  Watching television will become a thing of the past as most everything these days is not child friendly so Little Baby Bum and Trolls will be your new entertainment.  Sorry my friend, I wish I could tell you your days will be filled with working out and watching Real Housewives at your leisure.  But that is simply not the case.

Two: You will question your worth

Since becoming a stay at home mom, I realize just how much my identity was defined by my career.  When I am asked the emphasis question- “what do you do for a living?” I notice myself wanting to make it crystal clear that I do not JUST stay at home with my kids.  I think the reason behind this is there is a misconception that stay at home moms do nothing all day but lounge around since they are not going to a traditional 9-5.

The truth is, the job of a SAHM is far more difficult than most 9-5’s.  SAHM’s or SAHD’s should not have to justify what it is that they do for a living based on false realities society may have on the role.  Most stay at home parents are not only caring for the family full-time but also working from their homes on side businesses or part-time careers.  And even if they do not have a side hustle- caring for your children full-time is a career in itself!  Questioning your value/worth is a very real emotion.  Staying home with your children is just as much of a sacrifice as working full-time outside the home.  Just know that some people in your life who are working outside the home may beg to differ.

Three:  Your faith will be tested

There has never been a time I have relied on my faith more than in this current season.  In order for me to stay home with our boys, I had to walk away from a comfortable career in higher education.  While I was certainly ready to move on from my career, leaving the security of a 9-5 job was/is scary!  And a huge personal sacrifice. We are now living on my husbands one income until my new career starts to generate money.  Without our faith, I would have never taken the leap and left the stability of a two income household for the uncertain waters I am in now.  Everyday my faith is tested.  And if you- like me, will be walking away from a career to travel the unknown waters of staying home full-time,  your faith more than likely will be tested too.

Four: Working from home is not the perfect solution

One big misconception I had before becoming a SAHM was that I would have so much more time to devote to the things I wanted to accomplish business wise.   I would say things all the time after I had my first son and was juggling my career in the corporate world like “if I was able to stay home, I would have more time to blog or I could finally start my real estate career with less stress.”

When I decided to stay home with my boys, I also started a real estate career.  Win- win, right?  Not so much. I thought it would be much easier to juggle the boys and try to build a business than it actually is.  The reality is I have little to no time to focus on work throughout the day so if being a momprenuer and working from home is what you envision as well, just know it is a 1000 times harder than going to an office.  If you are not great with multi-tasking, being a work at home mom may also cause you a great deal of stress.  You are basically working 24/7 trying to squeeze in minutes to work during nap times and late at night after your family is fast asleep.  Take right now for example- my newborn is napping and my toddler is currently screaming and pulling on my leg as I try to finish this post 🙂  Real life, my friends.

When you are with your kids all day, there is no time clock letting you know your shift has ended.  Your shift never ends.   The days go extremely fast and if you are lucky you “may” get four hours of uninterrupted sleep each night after it is all said and done.  This alone has made me question some weeks if I made the right decision to stay home full-time.  It is normal for you to question your choice at times.

Five: Give yourself grace

There are going to be times you lose your patience.  You will have moments you feel completely burnt out.  You will not be perfect.  And that’s okay!  As a mom, you have to give yourself some grace that you will not always do everything right.  As long as what you are doing has their best interests at heart, you are not putting them in harm, and you are learning along the way, please take it easy on yourself.  Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t buy your child everything they grab at Target or if you can’t attend every playdate.  Or if you burned dinner.  Or you didn’t get to take them out of the house because it was too hot.  Or, or, or…..  The list goes on!  I read an amazing book that completely changed my perspective on trying to be perfect.  It is a must read for any Type A mama and really teaches the value of presence over perfection.

There is no perfect solution to parenting.  Whether you work inside the home or outside the home, parenting is an extremely difficult job on both ends that will require many sacrifices.  But trust me when I say- boy is it all worth it!  It is an honor and privilege to get to raise up children in the way they should go and I thank God daily for the gift of motherhood.

If you have the desire in your heart to stay home and care for your children full-time, do it!  Not a single one of these points are reason enough to not act on that decision.  These are simply the realities I am experiencing as a SAHM who is also trying to build a career from home.  While staying home with my kids may come with its set of challenges, this is a season of life I will never regret.  And if you decide to return to work, know that is okay too! There is no right or wrong decision- it is simply what is the best decision for YOUR family.

Your children are only little for so long and your presence will make a large impact on them.  Soak up every moment you can whether you work inside or outside the home!  The blood, sweat, tears, and sacrifices will all be worth it.

What has your journey as a SAHM taught you?